A tilak brings two families together for the first formal ritual before a wedding, and the order, offerings and who does what are easy to get wrong. A pandit leads the ceremony, so the families can focus on each other.
Why it is done
In many North Indian families, the tilak is a pre-wedding ceremony in which the bride's side applies tilak to the groom, or the groom's side to the bride, depending on the community, as a formal sign that the families have agreed to the match. Practices, gifts and customs vary widely by region.
Who it is for
Families preparing for a wedding; households in communities where tilak or roka is a separate ceremony; couples and parents who want the pandit to guide the sequence.
When to do it
Families usually choose a date some days or weeks before the wedding, with a muhurat from the panchang. Your pandit can suggest options. Your family's custom takes priority.
Choose your ceremony
About 1.5 hours for the standard ceremony; about 2 hours for the extended one.
- Standard: The standard ceremony: the tilak and associated prayers with ganesh pooja, kalash, the formal tilak and gifts, and aarti. About 1.5 hours, 17 vidhi steps, led by one pandit.
- Extended: The extended ceremony: a fuller ceremony with more steps, more offerings and more time for the families to participate. About 2 hours, 26 vidhi steps, led by one pandit.
Choose the standard for a smaller, closer gathering. Choose the extended ceremony if both families want a fuller sequence or many relatives are attending.
Choose 'With samagri' and the pandit brings the ritual items. Choose 'Own samagri' if you already have them or prefer to buy them yourself, and ask the pandit for the list in advance.
Video option
Tilak Ceremony is best done with the pandit present in person, so video is not offered for it.
The sequence
- Pavitrikaran and achaman
- Deepak lit and ganesh pooja
- Sankalp naming the families
- Kalash sthapana
- Tilak applied with the traditional offerings
- Exchange of gifts and shagun as per your family's custom
- Prayers and blessings from elders
- Aarti and prasad
How to prepare
- Confirm which family is hosting and who is applying the tilak
- Keep the tilak items, gifts and sweets ready as per your family's custom
- Arrange seating so both families are comfortable
- Share the muhurat and guest list with the pandit
- Keep a diya and basic puja items ready
- Decide whether you will use pandit-provided samagri or your own
Who should attend
The couple's parents and close family from both sides. Guests can join for the aarti and the celebration after.
Your tradition
Which side applies the tilak, what is exchanged and how elaborate it is differs by community and region. Tell us your community and customs when booking.
Safety
This ritual uses a diya or lamp and often camphor. Keep the flame on a stable, heat-safe surface away from curtains, children and pets, and keep a little water nearby.
Questions
Is tilak the same as roka or sagai? Not always. In some families they are the same, in others separate. Tell the pandit what your family calls it and what it includes.
How long should I plan for? About 1.5 hours for the standard ceremony and about 2 hours for the extended one.
Who applies the tilak? This depends on your community. The pandit will follow your family's custom.
Can the tilak be done on the same day as other events? Some families combine it with other pre-wedding events. Your pandit can advise on timing.